I must upgrade my toilet

Ok, I have got to get me one of these.

This, my friends, is the Toto Washlet SG. It is glorious. 

I was at dinner with a friend at Sosharu, a beautiful and chic Japanese restaurant in the Farringdon neighborhood. The food was fabulous: steamed octopus, rice hot pots, Asian pears and avocados marinated in miso sauce...delicious. Towards the end of the meal, my friend excused herself to go to the bathroom.

She was gone quite a while. And when she finally came back, her eyes were sparkling.

"You must go to the toilet. It's amazing." she told me in a whisper, as if code-speaking some sort of drug deal.

"Whyyyyy?" I asked, worried about what I'd find there.

"Just go," she said again. I swear she winked. 

With some trepidation, I made my way downstairs and found the loo. What I found there was, in fact, amazing. Oh, Toto Washlet SG, where have you been all my life?

It's probably obvious at this point that I'm talking about a Japanese toilet. And I have had the pleasure of experiencing those before (gosh, this is getting personal).

But...not quite like this. Think seat warmers. Think sensor-activated lid. Think warm water jets with adjustable pressure. Think dryer. Think remote control. Think antibacterial electrolyzed personal cleansing system! 

I stayed in there rather a long time myself. Pressing each and every button at least once. Mentally wondering the entire time whether there'd be any chance of talking my landlord into buying me a new toilet that retails for £4,700. I mean, I have been a good tenant. 

"You were right," I said to my friend when I finally came back upstairs.

"It's amazing."