I've just gotten home from an informational session at YogaLondon, a dedicated teacher training school.
Yes, I'm thinking of training as a yoga teacher.
In some ways, it seems crazy. It seems indulgent. It's expensive. My hamstring is still bothering me more than three months after I tore it. I don't know if I'll have time. I don't know if I'll be any good. I don't know if I'll like it. I don't actually know if I want to be a yoga teacher. The girl behind me had cuter yoga pants than I did. Maybe this won't work out and then I'll just die poor and lonely.
In other words: excuses-excuses-excuses, with a side of fear.
There were about 30 of us packed into a room in a Tibetan Buddhist Center. All women, except for the teacher. Ages ranged from probably early 20s to early 50s. I seemed to pretty much fit in, in terms of my level, though some were clearly quite advanced.
We started with a 30-minute introduction and posture analysis, where the teacher demonstrated the foundations of one pose: downward-facing dog. Spread your fingers wide, rotate your triceps outward, spin your upper legs inward, press your weight from your hands into your feet. And so on. Then we did a quick practice with partners, trying out a posture correction. This felt great--I've done a lot of downward dogs, but to really take the time to figure out all the little components was awesome.
Then we had a one-hour class, which felt terrific. I can't deny, some small part of me was keeping an eye on other people in the room: Is she better than I am? What about her? Should I even be here? Hello, imposter syndrome, my old friend!
With that said, the larger part of me was pretty damn happy to be there, challenging myself and listening to an idea I'd been batting around off-and-on for a few YEARS.
After the class, there was a useful Q&A, and then it was over. It was absolutely worth going. I don't know if I'm going to go through with it, or if so when and how, and it must be said my bank account wouldn't exactly thank me for it.
But....if there's something you've been thinking about for a long time and wanting to explore, then...isn't that something worth listening to? Shouldn't that voice become louder than the excuses-and-fear voice?
Lots to think about as I fall asleep tonight.