I must have a lot of friends I don't know about, because I had ten emails waiting for me when I got home tonight. Friends who want to date me, or generously leave me "a little something" in my stocking when it's not even Christmas, friends who worry about the state of my teeth, and even one friend who's worried about the safety of my family. How kind of them all. I should really take the time to read these one at a time:
Well...I can only answer 'yes' to one of those two questions. Do you still want me?
Well....there's nothing to even click on in here. What is waiting for me in my stocking? I didn't even know I had a stocking. Great. Now I'm single and stockingless.
3) Google Support, apparently
Oh, thank God. My 2 broken emails has been restored. Well, that's that taken care of, then! Thanks, email@example.com!
4) Dental Implants
But I don't have dentures or crowns to say goodbye to! Single, stockingless, and now crown-less. The mockery continues.
5) Incredible Beaches
NOW we're talking!!! Incredible beaches!
...If only you weren't writing me from a Vietnamese noodle house in Texas.
6) Family Safety Alert
SHOCKED, I tell you! There could be title case-capitalized Sex Offenders in my neighborhood!
...I'm not really sure I want to 'view' them, though.
7) Support_for_Detox Americanize
Dry January. Way ahead of you, lhoti.date!
8) CVS ExtraCare Rewards
Yeah, ok, that one actually is for me. Shame they don't have CVS in the UK. Shame about the $100 in CVS bonus points. I can always use more Q-tips.
9) Shop_SUVs_Now departmentalise
Thanks, but I still can't drive on the left.
10) Admissions Help
Wow, I could be matched with 100 Degree Programs at well over 225 Schools!!! That sounds like even better odds than JDate!
And now my inbox is empty. So many new loved ones to thank and respond to. If only I didn't have to run out and pay full retail price for a stocking.